The Why of Windows

Over the past year or so in our expressions of love and admiration, Brick will often say 'I adore you'. In my funny brain I hear 'I a DOOR you' and will respond "I love you with all the windows of my heart'. We always get a little laugh out of it.

In the last 6 months or so, I have seen the windows of heaven open to my family. And I need them open now more than ever. 

So our little life blog is called All the Windows. Not a few. Not just the upstairs or the kitchen. All. 

November 2020 my sweet husband had a vasectomy. We have two energetic sons and our hearts and hands were full. We felt like it was right. Mid May of 2021 I discovered I was pregnant again. For those interested that's a 1/1000 chance. We are convinced it was divine intervention. This child is meant to be in our family. 

Monday, August 23rd I had the 20 week anatomy ultrasound. This is when they can clearly see the gender of the baby. There's a lot of boys on Brick's side. Like a lot. Of my in-laws five current grandchildren, there's only one girl. Pretty much everyone who was vocal about a gender preference was rooting for a girl. Except me. I was in "boy-mom" mode and sort of dreaded suddenly having a little girl. My plans and life was already thrown into disarray, I wanted another boy to keep things as simple as possible. 

I got my wish!

This is our third (and final, for sure this time) son. The ultrasound showed him to be growing as he should, and I have a few really sweet images of his hands and feet. 

But it also showed something else. 

You know in movies when the nurse tells you to sit tight, 'I'll be right back' and then the doctor comes in? 

Yeah. The ultrasound tech handed me a towel to wipe off my stomach and said she'd be right back. When she returned she asked me to take a seat in the exam room right next door to the ultrasound suite. 

Usually I leave after an ultrasound. Not this time. My midwife didn't come in, but the obgyn I saw for Adam came instead. I love her so much. She's quiet but has the best way of answering questions and explaining things. 

Our #3 has a birth defect. It's called a Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia, or CDH. Basically, at some point in development his diaphragm didn't grow properly and there's a hole in it. This allows the abdominal organs to sneak up into the chest cavity. This in turn causes the main issue with the condition. Those extra organs in the chest cavity can restrict development of the lungs and heart. 

Oh, and if you like statistics. CDH happens in one of every 2500 births. 

So there was a 1/1000 chance he would exist, and then a 1/2500 chance he would have this condition. Yet here we are. Keep those windows open please.

I was immediately referred to genetic and maternal/fetal health specialists in the larger city 1 hour north of our home. It is likely that I will be seeing them quite frequently over the next several months. It is also more than likely that our son will be delivered 2-6 weeks early and immediately have corrective surgery. 

I was due in early January 2022. Now my baby will probably be in NICU for the holidays. I'm still processing that. I'm still processing all of this. 

But I have such gratitude for the medical advances in our time. I have seen medical miracles in my family and extended family. I have faith in the covenants I have made. I know that families are forever. I know we will be strengthened through this trial. 

I'm not good at asking for help. But this is unexpected and hard, and I will need help. If nothing else, please leave a window to heaven open for us.

I need all the windows I can get.

💙

For more information on CDH, this link has helped me understand a bit better.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/congenital-diaphragmatic-hernia%3famp=true